ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
