god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
