Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need to sanitize my soul.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
