Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
