I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
