i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
