I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
