You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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