dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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