I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
