i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
