I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize