this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
