do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
