Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well you can't waste a boner
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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