I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
