He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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