I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
