The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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