We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
