remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
