dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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