That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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