I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
