So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
