If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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