She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
