somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My feet surprised me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
