1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
