That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
