I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
