Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
