i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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