Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
