when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
