Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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