# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
