ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
