guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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