i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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