It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
