Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
