How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
