ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
