Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
