another moral hangover. fuck.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
