this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
