what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
