I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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