You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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