My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
