I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
