Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
